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Posts Tagged ‘parenting’

As most of us know, doing the right thing does not always make us feel good.

Nor does it make us popular, nor pretty, nor rich … not in the material way at least.

But once again, Mrs. Spit has come up with an amazing post that addresses many issues – including one near and dear to my heart – preeclampsia.

Me, I am one of the lucky ones.  I have 2 living children who I can hug and cuddle and yell at and parent every day.  It was not my faith in God or a belief in Christ that allowed my body to tolerate preeclampsia – to prevent my kidneys from failing more than they already were, for my heart to function within a tolerable range (albeit my BPs ranged from lows in the 140/90s to highs well above 180/110).

No dear friends, it had nothing to do with God’s kindness or my being a good person.

Because trust me, while my faith is solid right now, it hasn’t always been.  And while I am a Christian, I do not believe there is but one way to God.

So there.  I am putting it out there, for all the world to read (cause, you know, there are oh so few blogs out there to go through to get to mine) that I 100% support a woman’s right to choose – even though sometimes it really is NOT a choice.

I, thankfully, did NOT have to choose between my life or my child’s.

But don’t think for a second that it was not a conversation that BJD and I didn’t have.  Because we did.  Twice.  Once during each pregnancy.

And while, in theory it may seem noble to say that I would die for my child to live, risking having a child so early that life is not without many many many complications, with many of them leading to death, no my friends, I choose life.

And maybe it is because I had witnessed my father’s last breath – I watched him suffer and die the same week Bubba Joe was conceived.

Either way, faith did not save me.

I was lucky.

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But I have no one really to talk to.  G is in Florida, S is in Japan.  BJD is great, but honest, I need someone else, someone outside of family to just listen.  So dear reader, this comes to you.

***sigh***

Where do I begin?  I’ll try to make this story short.  I’m not sure how long my little milchmaedchen (MM – milk girl – is that better J?) will hold out.

Turns out that my BIL has a kid.  Not a billy goat.  A real live child.  And said BIL has not yet finished uni – his school stopped offering his degree at the end of last year and well, he “couldn’t come up with a thesis”.  Whatever.

And said BIL still lives with his parents.  He works.  Sure.  Part-time.  As a mover.  Schlepping furniture.  He doesn’t have insurance (which is mandatory per the government here in good old Deutschland).  He’s one of those that falls through the cracks. 

Back in 2006, when we still lived in Ohio, BJD and I took pity on him.  He had recently broken up with his girlfriend, was struggling with school, has/had a drinking problem (oh yeah, dear reader, did I mention that he has a drinking problem?) and was quite overwhelmed with life.  BJD and I had accumulated LOTS of miles flying for both work and pleasure (remember, we were DINKs – I still cringe when I type it but well, the acronym suits).  We used 100,000 miles and bought him a ticket to fly out to visit.  Even found him an ESL course to take in our hometown.

And what do we get for it? 

Nothing.

No thanks, nothing.

We had hoped for none of that though – all we wanted was to give him a chance to rejuvinate.  To feel better about himself.  To give him what he needed to push through to the end of his degree. 

3 years later – same sad story.  Only now, it’s compounded by the fact that he has a 2 year old son. 

Oh, he’s fought custody.  DNA proved it.  He has nothing to do with the child. 

Why is this bothering me so much?  Because it’s the damned elephant sitting in the middle of the room.  My entire family here AVOIDS this subject.  They refuse to admit that there is a little boy out there that is family.  And moreso, and to me this is far worse, they continue to allow my BIL to be a slacker, a loser and a deadbeat dad.

I’m horrified.

You see, I love and adore my inlaws.  They’re have their querks (dude, how the heck do you spell that???) but they’ve been my rock for so many years now.  Quirks? Qwerks?  Really, how do you spell that?

BJD and I had originally set up my BIL as guardian for our child(ren).  Since finding out about this child though, we’ve changed it.  And just yesterday, BJD took the bull by the horns and finally told his brother.  On the phone.  And while you might find that a crappy way to tell someone, sorry dude you’re not who we want anymore in case anything happens, we just don’t have time to sit him down (and well, we’d have to find the time when he was sober – that was a definate low blow from me) face to face.  And more importantly, it’s very hard to balance 2 kids and recovery from birth/c-section/complicated pregnancy.

Let’s just say that BIL didn’t take it too well.  How do I know?  Well, my inlaws are avoiding us.  Oh, not my SIL, she’s too passive to take a stand.  (Side note: she’s known about this child since the beginning.  Why is that important to me? She’s never once shared this  in any shape or form.  And worse yet, she’s just not the type to encourage her own brother to do the right thing.  I have so little respect for that.  Am I being too hard?)

Why is it that they avoid this child?  Why do they accept what my BIL says even when it’s (IMO) morally wrong?

Ugh – gotta run.  Bubba Joe is potty training.  Guess where he just went?

More later.

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