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Posts Tagged ‘knitting’

A bit of retail therapy, some luscious wool from the UK, some new needles (including these gorgeous rosenholz dpns) = a very happy Alice.

Yes, I am on a yarn diet.

And yes, money is tight right now.

But I do feel better.

I mean, really better.

🙂

 

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I have been attending German classes now for about 6 months.  They are semi-private which in theory, should have been very helpful.

But, I am a lazy student.

And BJD was travelling so much, it was difficult to do any of the homework.

To my advantage was that I speak quite well, with my fair share of grammatical mistakes.  But I get along with pretty much most people I speak with.  (In comparison, the other student is better at the written and grammar, but not so good at the spoken word.)

My teacher recommended I try reading in German. Since my postpartum depression began almost 5 years ago (wow, it really has been a long time), I have changed my reading habits.  I used to have quite an assortment of historical fiction or horror or real life stories of murder and well, quite gruesome reading.  But I balanced that out with the occasional fluff.  However, I have since gotten rid of any book that brought me down. (thanks amazon for letting me sell stuff!)

Finding a book that was natively written in German (not a translation) and that didn’t contain any of the drama that makes my heart race and my mind go non-stop wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be.  But I found a great series by Kerstin Geier – Die Mütter-Mafia (the mother mafia).

The first book in the series took me about 2 weeks to finish (had it been in English it would have taken 2 days tops).  But it really was cool to read something in German about life in Germany.  It is set in Cologne and is basically about a woman who gets pregnant while in college, marries the guy, leaves school, and spends her life as a Hausfrau, until one day he tells her he wants a divorce and offers her (and their 2 kids) his mother’s house.

A bit dramatic of course, but it slowly introduces other characters, including a midwife and her 2 sons, grumpy old neighbors that try to sue for every thing possible (could they have spent time in the states?) and another neighborly couple that is trying desperately to have a baby but can’t.

She addresses mothering, life as a hausfrau, life as a mom in Germany (which truly is different than life in the states – but that’ll be another post), divorce, getting screwed over, the “perfect” mommies, infertility and miscarriages.  But it is presented in a way that is foreign to me (not just the language, ha ha …)  It is presented in a way that is reflective of the German culture.

I made it through the first book and quickly search my lover (a.Ma.zOn) for more in the series.  I am almost done with the 2nd book after just a few days and am so proud of my ability to read through and understand.

Go me!

We still have no move date.  Pins and needles doesn’t begin to describe how I feel.  Nor does it begin to describe the difficulties BJD and I are dealing with, trying to adjust to his travels and being back home.

On top of it all, Giant Baby turns 2 at the end of this month.  She is cutting her 2 year molars and is quite miserable at times.  AND the terrible twos that we didn’t face with her brother – oh yeah, those are coming forth in triplicate.

Lucky us.

Something is bothering Bubba Joe.  And I don’t know what it is.  At first I thought it was the initial adjustment of his dad being around.  But BJD has been around for quite some time now.  Bubba got a bit better but the last 2 days has just had meltdown after meltdown.

And when he has one, the only thing you can do is, well, be me and not his dad, hold him and tell him it is okay to cry.

Yelling does not work (though in the moment it makes me feel better).  Neither does walking away because that only frustrates him more.

Asking him what is wrong in the middle of meltdown mode doesn’t work either – because you just can’t understand what he’s saying, especially if he mixes his languages when saying something (many words he uses I don’t have yet in my vocabulary).

Needless to say, I am stressed and worried.

But I am knitting, so I have an outlet.

And I blog, which helps even more.

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Wow.  It has been two months since I have posted.

Hmm … what’s going on …

  • BJD is travelling a lot for work.  a.whole.heck.of.a.lot.  As in Monday through Thursday.  Should slow down but I’ll believe it when I see it.
  • We bought our first car here – a Mazda 5.  2 weeks after signing the papers, his company talks about offering him a company car.  Go figure.
  • Bubba Joe is undergoing major assessments for developmental/speech delays.  All of it is related to his hearing loss – oh, I didn’t tell you?  He tests at 70% hearing in his ear with the 5mm hole and 90% in the other.  What’s that you say?  Does he have a hole in his head? Uh, yeah.
  • I am taking German classes.  Semi-privately.  I am having fun.   And learning.  Can’t get much better than that.
  • The end of September marked my dad’s 5 year anniversary.  I didn’t call my family on that day (as I have in the past).  I have come to realize that it is not my responsibility to keep in contact with everyone.  Communication CAN be a two way street.  (In case you didn’t get it, that was oozing, I mean dripping, with sarcasm.)
  • I am going to start working.  Now don’t your panties all in a shuffle (he he I just wanted to see how that looks typed out – not as great as I thought) about me still taking PPD meds and trying to figure things out and numerous appointments with Bubba Joe and oh, yeah, Giant Baby is good too but we’ll get to her … where was I?  Oh.  I am going to start teaching for an hour a week – English at Home – for kids.  Very laid back, just hanging out with kids and speaking english.
  • Giant Baby is being weaned.  She is 19 months old.  She’s not happy about it.  I realize that I have been nursing for 4.5 years now.  And it’s been 5 years since I haven’t really drank or anything (and yes, my math is correct – that’s what I get for being a preemie mom).
  • A whole lot of women I know are pregnant.  I don’t know how I feel.
  • I think I am staying busy with stuff to avoid emotions.  What do you think?  Okay, that really is a rhetorical question.  Don’t answer.
  • Giant Baby is up.  Crying.  It’s 12:30 am here in Münsterland.  Gotta run.  BJD can only do so much.
  • One last comment – I am still knitting – and I am making a present for someone special to me.  (One of my blessed readers – I won’t name names and I won’t post info about what I am making until I am done.  But I wanted to make this person something for over a year – since I learned to knit – and I am finally confident enough in my abilities to gift them something because they are amazing to me.  And I think this person has been in a funk.  At least that’s what I get from their blog.)

And as usual, just when I think I  have wrapped things up, things quiet down downstairs.  That’s okay.  It’s late.  Kirmes is here this weekend – that’s a mini-festival.

Oh yeah, gotta say that I love sliding doors on cars.  And NO it is not a mini-van.  I do NOT do mini-vans.

Got it?

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I started knitting as an attempt to, cough, save money.

You see, we started cloth diapering with Bubba Joe.  After doing tons of research, my head was spinning with all the different options out there.  My LLL leader back in Ohio told me that she kept it simple – prefolds and covers.  I took it one step further and went prefolds and wool (rather than plastic pants).

Bubba Joe was CD’d (crunchy mama talk for cloth diapered – though really I don’t consider myself a crunchy mama.  I mean, how can I be crunchy with chanel makeup and a nature requirement of 4 stars before I stay somewhere?  I mean, bugs are meant to be outside, in their habitat, not inside in mine, right?)

Now where was I?

Oh yeah, knitting.  And poop.  Cause well, that’s what diapers are for.

I loved  using prefolds with Bubba Joe.  Yeah, yeah, I tried a few other types of cloth diapers (my shopping addiction has sadly not gotten any better – it only had a new direction which later changed direction yet again … but we’ll get to that).

And we started using prefolds with Giant Baby (who BTW is not really a giant baby – in fact, she’s quite petite and full of spit!  Damn that girl knows what she wants!) when she was a few months old.  The problem is I hated the fit of the plastic pants – and while they’re generally 1000 times better than what I knew as a kid (or teenager babysitting), they still felt, well, blah.

I paid beaucoup bucks to have some wool pants knit.  Then I got screwed so I decided to learn to knit. Which kicked.my.ass.  Bigtime.

I couldn’t believe that such a simple concept – two sticks and some string – could turn into something so gorgeous, or in my case, something that somewhat resembled a blob.

But with the support of BJD, I sat and sat and sat.  And for me, patience was never one of my strengths.  Sitting and trying again and again – also not a strength of mine.

You see, I have a problem (well, we know I have many but let a girl talk, okay?).  I am naturally very good at many things.

As I shared in my last post, I was a music major.  I started piano at the age of 3.5.  I taught myself the french horn (which no, you never wanted to hear me play) and the trombone – which I rocked (and now my nieces are rocking).  I also learned the cello and the organ while in college.  Music came easily for me.

As did many things.

Sports – nah.  Not so much.  But I attribute that more to the fear of breaking a finger – something that would have traumatised me and has scared me since, well, the age of 3.

Science was never a strength – until that boy I mentioned in my last post dumped me.  Then I decided to pursue a minor in geology just so I could be in the science building with him.  I surprised myself with how well I did and seriously considered a geology major – were it not for the additional years it would have added.

Back to knitting.

I am consistently surprised at myself.  At my knitting.  Not to brag (but I guess I am – I mean, this is my blog all about me) but I have proudly tested designs for designers, knit gifts for friends, knit for a charity auction and will even knit a beautiful wrap for my lovely friend who is getting married.

I am damned proud of myself.

And my depression … well, having something tangible that is not just made by me, but pretty AND usable … that seems to be working better than any medication.

BJD is on vacation for the next 2 weeks.

Let’s see how much knitting I can accomplish.

Yay!

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Knitting

Knit, purl, purl, knit.

I have taken to knitting quite well.

I have made new friends – knitting friends.

I am a bit of a yarn snob (100% wool please, preferably hand-dyed or hand-spun or both) and only use addis.

I am addicted to knitting.  To the planning, the thinking, the learning, the studying, the entire process.

I enjoy reading books about knitting.  I enjoy buying yarn – online.  And I really do like searching through ravelry’s many many patterns with no idea of who or what I want to knit and finding inspiration.

I have gone from barely managing to hold my needles for more than 30 seconds without my hands nearly freezing in their death grip to being called a loose knitter by my snb partner.   (Unlike other aspects of life, looseness in knitting is good.  And while I am loose, I am also consistent – I’ve been told that is hard to do.)

I will be taking pictures soon of my progress.  In learning to knit, I have also learned how best to photograph and document my creations.  I hope you will enjoy the pictures as much as I enjoyed creating them.  But for now, my dears, you will have to be that which knitting is continually trying to teach me – patient.

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Not sure what’s wrong, but I hope this is a trend that will continue.  I have missed writing here – and missed hearing from all ya’ll and moreso, missed reading blogs.

Part of my hiding is that I have chosen to not know what is going on in the world.  This is a first for me.  Never have I secluded myself from the goings on in the world.  But I found myself becoming too emotionally attached to hearing stories of despair and sadness.

My goal is to be able to write here more often, read more from some of my favorite bloggers and contribute once again on the PF boards.  Each of these things have provided support for me in the past.  And I can either sit here and knit and hide in my little corner of the world, or I can do that AND try to be a member of the big world out there.

Let’s see how I manage …

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Hanging in there …

Don’t really know what to say but I am hanging in there.  Most days are manageable.  I am seeing a therapist now.  It was interesting.  It is interesting.

She had me fill out a questionnaire to measure my depression.  To answer most of the questions took more thought than I anticipated.  I realized that I try to avoid thinking about feelings.  I no longer try to figure things out but move more on auto-pilot.

So on that note of not talking or dealing with emotions, here’s some more knitting pictures and one or two of the kiddoes:

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