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Archive for June, 2013

As a young girl, my mother always, and I mean always, insisted on using the air conditioning.  I suspect it is due to her being born and raised in the New Orleans, southern Mississippi area (yes, I did just sing M-I-S-S, I-S-S, I-P-P-I to get it right).

Moving to Germany required adjustments to many things.  For one, the weather here in NRW is far milder year-round than the weather in NE Ohio.  Every summer, it hits about 90 degrees for all of 3 days.  By the end of the third day, I am researching the costs of a room air conditioner, only to have the temperature drop back down to a lovely low- to mid-70s.

Normally, June is a month (as I remember) for the moderate weather. 

But this week, we jumped from a nice cool 68 degrees to over 90. 

It was miserable.

Hot.

(Not humid though – that was nice.)

But ridiculously hot. 

And not that kind of hot where instead of cooking at home you could grab a bite in a nice air conditioned restaurants. Nope.  Most restaurants do NOT have AC. 

There is no escaping integrating oneself into life with German weather.

And then, today, the rains came.  And they came hard and fast.  Soaked Bubba Joe and I through and through even with our umbrellas – which are a standard German attire – within a few seconds.

But the temperature is back down to what I call a June normal.

And that makes me feel human again.

But today marks a special occasion for me – it was my last therapy appointment.  I have been seeing a therapist for two years now.  We discuss mostly what is going on in life at the moment, but have addressed the issues in my past, including postpartum depression, preeclampsia, prematurity, feelings of guilt and the desire to fix the world.

I really liked my therapist.  She was open and honest and approachable (not what I had typically pictured as your stereotypical German therapist) and has helped me to become well, me again.

Turns out that I like me and that while I cannot change the world (why oh why don’t they do what I want them to do when I want them to do it) but I am making a change for the better in what I do and with whom I have contact with.

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Since it has been, well, forever since writing, it feels strange to start again.  But I miss writing here … so if you’re still around, cool. 

Four years after my daughter’s birth, I am finally free of antidepressents.  The weaning process sucked.  Seriously.  It sucked.  I have found bits and pieces of information about weaning off setraline but there was nothing concise.

Mind you, I am glad that I was able to tolerate the medicine and it did help me get through the past few years, but weaning was a bit of a long road.

I am now sewing.  I can’t knit much anymore because I need to have surgery on my left hand – and I have always joked that I couldn’t sew, but I could poke myself with the needles but lo and behold, this girl can sew!  

Sadly, I seemed to have accumulated 3 sewing machines in a 6 month period – making dear sweet hubby not so happy, but, but, but …

I like sewing.  I like repaing the clothes we have.

I feel so domesticated. (Of course, it might be influenced by my desire today to bake 2 pies – and pie baking here in Germany means making your own crust.)

Bubba Joe is finishing up his first school year.  I get to hang with him 2 hours per week, teaching him English because, well, he was bored out of his mind in school.  (I am thankful that the school allows me to go in to teach him – but also am a bit frustrated that this was the only real solution.)

His sister is finally finding her own way.  She is terribly shy and that has made it difficult to get her to do anything without her brother or her cousin (who is 3 months younger but very outgoing).  

She really wanted to take dance lessons but when we went in, she would just sit ON me.  That is, until I bought her ballerina clothes.  And poof! just like that, magically, she became a ballerina and all her fears fell away.  Now she takes dance two times a week and wakes in the morning asking, do I get to dance today??  Wonderful!

I am playing piano again – practicing for my audition to begin my formal Suzuki Piano Teacher training.  I know me, and I know that I work well … with deadlines.  But I also recognize that I want to re-learn these pieces as a woman with a lifetime behind her and a lifetime ahead of me – play the rests, count, breathe, take your time, listen, can you feel what he wanted from the music?  

We’ve actually started planning a bit ahead – planning in my book means booking summer holidays (whereas “Germans” would have booked their summer vacations last year).

And during all these things, I am starting to think about what I want to do, who I want to be and where I am.  I am pondering returning to work in a few years – but to do what?  Maybe teach? maybe go and get my doctorate?  There are just so many options … 

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