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Archive for March, 2011

Frankfurt Westin

Here I am, sitting at the Westin in Frankfurt. 

It’s a girls weekend.

We did this a few months ago but up in Hamburg, but Frankfurt is nice.

I took the train – ICE (the super fast one … 215km/hour) first class.  The hotel is 5 star. It is bringing out some very strange emotions I haven’t had to face in quite some time.

I have been feeling lost.  Not just because of the depression, but that definately has a part of it.

I feel disconnected.  From what is going on in the world news, from songs on the radio, to current pop culture and to fashion.

Here I sit, in my stretchy yoga pants and a black top, but I feel well, seperate from it all. 

As an expat, living in Dülmen is quite simple.  There are no other (or none that I have met) in my city.  But come down here and all I hear are Americans.

I have learned how to adapt my cooking, eating, shopping habits to what was available at the stores.  But down here, there just aren’t that many differences between here and “there”.

I like living away from it all.  I like being so seperate from my “home” that my “home” is a foreign land.

I have always been fascinated by Ernest Hemingway.  I enjoy reading his books but have never understood the feeling of being an expat.

But this weekend is a true culmination of it.  My sense of fashion (if that’s what you call it) is lacking.  In both american and german culture.  I miss being (somewhat) fashionable.  I miss being involved in the world around me.  And it’s a good realization for me to see that this is not just a piece of my life that is missing, but also something that I want in my life. 

So I sit here, drinking my Riesling, and pondering what I will do to conquer these feelings and become the me I want to be.

In the meantime, I will enjoy the rest of my girls weekend and continue to look forward to our next one.

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