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Archive for October, 2010

In remembrance …

Wow.  So I just typed this up in my email browser because I couldn’t get wordpress to open up but when I tried to copy paste over here, the little blinker thingee just kept blinking at me, as though it was saying ha!  you want me to do what?  (I mean, really, I deal with that all day from a 1.5 year old and a 4 year old.  Can’t I just get one minute where I don’t get hassled??)  🙂

Okay.  Enough sarcasm.  (Though if you know me well enough you know that I deal with awkward situations with sarcasm and humor – or at least my version of humor.  And my spell check is telling me humor is spelled humour but doesn’t it know I am an american and we don’t use the -our ending unless we’re trying to be pretentious or in denial of our americanness.)  Again, enough sarcasm.

I am enjoying the silence that comes when BJD comes home.  He has been travelling weekly for work, to the same country (not ours).  I have been managing okay and the children miss him – which makes my disappearance when he comes back that much nicer for all of us.  I get to escape for a bit (and stay up till, well, let’s see – it is 1:18AM right now).

I am writing this post specifically to women whose children have died.  (wow, that sentence took me about 10 minutes to write)

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

I don’t need a specific day to think of you and your child.  I think often of the struggles you have shared and the burdens that you walk with.  I think often of the heaviness of life.  And I am so very sorry for all the pain you have.

I wish I could make it all better.

I wish your child didn’t die because of preeclampsia.

I wish your life could be filled with the joys and sorrows of having a toddler running your life … of a preschooler filling you with awe and amazement every day.

I wish that life were as simple as we imagined it to be when we were younger – when wishes were something magical and special and the world was full of possibilites and potentials.

I wish I could make it all better.

But I can’t.

Instead, I can continue to offer my shoulder to cry on, to lean on, my heart to have hope and faith when you can’t and my hand in friendship.  From one mom to another.

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Wow.  It has been two months since I have posted.

Hmm … what’s going on …

  • BJD is travelling a lot for work.  a.whole.heck.of.a.lot.  As in Monday through Thursday.  Should slow down but I’ll believe it when I see it.
  • We bought our first car here – a Mazda 5.  2 weeks after signing the papers, his company talks about offering him a company car.  Go figure.
  • Bubba Joe is undergoing major assessments for developmental/speech delays.  All of it is related to his hearing loss – oh, I didn’t tell you?  He tests at 70% hearing in his ear with the 5mm hole and 90% in the other.  What’s that you say?  Does he have a hole in his head? Uh, yeah.
  • I am taking German classes.  Semi-privately.  I am having fun.   And learning.  Can’t get much better than that.
  • The end of September marked my dad’s 5 year anniversary.  I didn’t call my family on that day (as I have in the past).  I have come to realize that it is not my responsibility to keep in contact with everyone.  Communication CAN be a two way street.  (In case you didn’t get it, that was oozing, I mean dripping, with sarcasm.)
  • I am going to start working.  Now don’t your panties all in a shuffle (he he I just wanted to see how that looks typed out – not as great as I thought) about me still taking PPD meds and trying to figure things out and numerous appointments with Bubba Joe and oh, yeah, Giant Baby is good too but we’ll get to her … where was I?  Oh.  I am going to start teaching for an hour a week – English at Home – for kids.  Very laid back, just hanging out with kids and speaking english.
  • Giant Baby is being weaned.  She is 19 months old.  She’s not happy about it.  I realize that I have been nursing for 4.5 years now.  And it’s been 5 years since I haven’t really drank or anything (and yes, my math is correct – that’s what I get for being a preemie mom).
  • A whole lot of women I know are pregnant.  I don’t know how I feel.
  • I think I am staying busy with stuff to avoid emotions.  What do you think?  Okay, that really is a rhetorical question.  Don’t answer.
  • Giant Baby is up.  Crying.  It’s 12:30 am here in Münsterland.  Gotta run.  BJD can only do so much.
  • One last comment – I am still knitting – and I am making a present for someone special to me.  (One of my blessed readers – I won’t name names and I won’t post info about what I am making until I am done.  But I wanted to make this person something for over a year – since I learned to knit – and I am finally confident enough in my abilities to gift them something because they are amazing to me.  And I think this person has been in a funk.  At least that’s what I get from their blog.)

And as usual, just when I think I  have wrapped things up, things quiet down downstairs.  That’s okay.  It’s late.  Kirmes is here this weekend – that’s a mini-festival.

Oh yeah, gotta say that I love sliding doors on cars.  And NO it is not a mini-van.  I do NOT do mini-vans.

Got it?

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