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Archive for May, 2010

I don’t really know when it happened. But I know it happened.

I woke up one morning and just felt it.  I mean I knew something had changed.

And while I am generally a person that does not like change, this change came with a sense of finality, a sense of security and a sense of, well, me.

It’s been a few weeks now since I’ve known it, but having had BJD travel for the past 3 weeks, putting the burden of hausfrau completely on my shoulders, I can now say that I am turning the corner on my depression and am feeling more and more like me.

Me.

Me!

I can do things without freaking out.  I don’t overanalyze everything. (Don’t worry, I am still quite analytical and all but I don’t get all “caught up” in things like I have.)

This may not really seem like much to you, other than knowing I have struggled with postpartum depression for some time now.  Let me reassure you that “I” have been missing for over 4 years.

I don’t know exactly when the spiral downward began.  I am sure it was sometime around my father’s death.

And the uphill battle was at least recognized back in the back bathroom of my old company’s warehouse, while I was pumping away like a cow, reading Brooke’s wonderful words in her book talking about postpartum depression.

I cannot begin to tell you how thrilled, relaxed, joyful, no, how good it feels to just be me.  Not the old me.  Not a different me.  Just me.

And now … some pictures!

Bubba Joe turns 4

Teamwork

What?????

Mommy and Me

... in the garden

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