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Archive for May, 2008

Today, we’ve spent the day, just Alex, Henry and I. Today is Mother’s Day. It means a lot to me to celebrate being a mom. My journey to motherhood has not been simple nor easy. It’s been complicated by the illness I had which brought motherhood much earlier than I anticipated. It’s been hard because of all the difficulties in my family. Just as I became a mom, my mom was telling me she was done being a mom.

Mother’s Day represents so many things to me. But mostly, I am so thankful to be a mom. To be a healthy mom. My journey through postpartum depression has been rife with memories of my family, as it used to be, and goals that never came to fruition, like a new job or escaping reality.

Julie made a big deal of Mother’s Day for me, long before I was a mom. She emphasized the importance of being an aunt, yet another role that I was not ready for but has come to make up a large part of who I am as a human.

I guess that’s why this weekend was hard for me. Here I am, thousands of miles away from those who know me, I mean really know me. My mother and sister in law both left on Friday for the long weekend (Monday is a holiday here in Germany). They didn’t go away together. Rather, my MIL went to the North Sea while my SIL went south to Munich to visit friends. I was reminded of how my family here is simply family.

But I celebrated today with just us – Alex, Henry, Mischka and Maggie. The weather has been unusually nice – lots of sun and not one drop of rain.

We’ve worked outside in the backyard all day. And we’ve enjoyed the antics of a 2 year old who still is finicky – especially about walking barefoot. But don’t worry – he’s running around barefoot now! He just needed a little time to get used to the new feelings.

Just like me. Just like you. We all just need time to get used to things.

That’s just what life is about – taking time when we need to and moving forward when we need to.

We’ve been listening to music all day. Right now, it’s India. And I really like the lyrics to this song. Even if you know the words, please read it. It really strikes a chord with me today.

One shot to your heart without breaking your skin. No one has the power to hurt you like your kin. Kept it inside, didn’t tell no one else. Didn’t even wanna admit it to yourself. And now your chest burns and your back aches. From 15 years of holding the pain. And now you only have yourself to blame if you continue to live this way.

Get it together. You wanna heal your body, you have to heal your heart. Whatsoever you sow you will reap. Get it together.

You can fly fly.

Dark future ahead of me that’s what they said. I’d be starving if I ate all the lies they fed. Cause I’ve been redeemed from your anguish and pain.

A miracle child I’m floating on a cloud.

Cause the words that come from your mouth you’re the first to hear. Speak words of beauty and you will be there no matter what anybody says.

What matters most is what you think of yourself.

The choice is yours. No matter what it is to choose life is to choose to forgive. You don’t have to try to hurt him and break his pride. Just shake that weight off and you will be ready to fly.

One shot to your heart without breaking your skin. No one has the power to hurt you like your friends. Thought it would never change but as time moved on that ugly duckling grew up to be a swan.

And now your chest burns and your back aches because now the years are showing up on your face.

But you’ll never be happy and you’ll never be whole until you see the beauty in growing old.

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