Some pictures

My first time knitting – and I made a scarf!

and then I made a matching hat

and then I tried knitting a few things that got frogged.

Then I finished up this scarf and am working on a sweater for Little Girl and another scarf (scarves will be holiday presents this year).

Language confusion

Dude.

I wrote scarfs.

Is that even a word?

Isn’t it supposed to be scarVes?

Ugh.

Time is flying

and I’m learning to knit.

A few quick(ish) updates:

• I am doing okay PPD-wise.  My household help’s last day was more than 2 weeks ago.  Last week (the last week of September) was quite rough.  It was the 4 year anniversary of my dad’s death.  He died on the 25th and was buried on the 30th.  October 1st is always a breath of fresh air.
• Bubba Joe is loving preschool.  And we recently cut his hair – super short in a real boy cut.  We’ll let it grow again though – I miss his curls.
• Little Girl is full of teeth (8) and has many rolls.  She’s amazing.  ”Our” lullaby is You Are My Sunshine – and she really is.
• BJD came home on Friday with flowers.  And we didn’t even … well, you know.  He said it was just because.  And I think it really was!

So let me try to upload some pics for you to enjoy!!!

Oh yeah, my knitting is coming along.  I’ve mastered the art of frogging (aka ripping out stitches).  And I’ve learned that I am not ready to knit a sweater (a big duh! moment – ask me how I know).  So right now, I’m working on 2 scarfs – if you’re on ravelry you can keep up with my knitting there!!

Okay.  I tried uploading pics and for whatever reason it’s way slow.  I promise to upload some … soon.

Knitting

I’m taking up knitting.

Don’t laugh.

Maybe you don’t realize that it could be funny.

BJD looks at me with a small smile everytime he sees me with my needles.

And I’m with them often.  :)

Last week I started learning.  So far, I’ve learned to cast on, bind off, knit and purl.  They say that with those basics I can do anything.

Sure.

I can do all those things.

Just not always in the proper order.

For example, in my practice swatch (which BTW I’ve been working on for the past week), I have created holes where there shouldn’t be, added stiches when I didn’t mean too and can’t seem to find others where they should be.

But all in all, it’s fun.  And relaxing.  And rewarding.

Tonight was my second class.

And “She” (i.e. my russian-german teacher/store owner of my LYS (local yarn store for you non-knitting peeps)) is letting me start a scarf.

Yay!!!

So for now, I’m mastering my “knit” stich.

It’s a beautiful scarf made with beautiful yarn – Lana Grossa I think – all in the “knit” stich (or right stich if you’re in Germany).

And once I finish my scarf for me, I’m gonna make one for BJD.

And Bubba Joe.

And probably a few relatives.

Homemade Christmas presents here we come.

Amis in Dülmen

Ami = American

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Living in small-town Germany has many advantages – people know each other, the local apotheke knows me by face AND name, and so on.

But one of the disadvantages of where we live is that there are no other Americans that I know of.  There is a British military base here, but I’ve not had the opportunity in my 2 years here to speak with any of them.  I suppose like most military they have enough companionship within their own.

So you can imagine my surprise when on Friday evening, as the Bubba Joe family went for a walk into town to sit and eat ice cream, when I heard a lovely american accent.

I tend to hear lots of british accents, but there’s really something down-home about that midwest, no-accent, all-american accent that I heard.  It’s like apple pie.  Or Reese’s peanut butter cups.  Or Hershey’s chocolate.

It’s a piece of home.

I heard it and immediately  stopped.

It was amazing.

It was home, at home.

BJD asked if I wanted to introduce myself and just say hello – so I did.  Normally, I would have felt quite uncomfortable but with BJD’s support, we all went over and said hello.  I told them it was nice to hear an american accent and that I just wanted to say hello.

In typical american style, they were friendly.

The conversation was superficial enough that we didn’t get each other’s names but we were open and friendly enough to carry on a conversation for a few minutes.  And it was a pleasent enough experience that when we ran into them yesterday (same place actually) we stopped again to speak a few friendly words.

I doubt I’ll ever see them again – they were in town for a wedding – but it was nice.

It was a piece of home.

~~~~~

Now back to my hiding.  :)

Hiding

I’m still here.  But I’m in a bit of hiding mode.

You see, I’m starting to heal.  And for the first time in a long time … well, I would even go so far as to say for the first time in nearly 4 years, I feel like me.

The meds are working.

The support network is working.

The household help is working.

And I am too.

I finally feel functional.

I wake up in the morning, tired.  But it’s not the same tired as me wanting to crawl back in bed and sleep the day away.

I wake up tired but motivated.

And that’s a nice feeling.

So I’m here.  But I’m taking care of me.

If you don’t see me commenting or even reading your blogs, know that I am thinking of you all the same.

Gotta run.  My sis is skyping me.

Postpartum Depression in Germany

It’s been some time since I’ve written about me.  I tend to avoid the subject, as it’s a bit hard to admit my faults.  But I promised myself that I would work through this semi-publically here and I wanted to share some of what is going on.

My doctor has prescribed household help.  That means there is a woman who comes in daily for 6 hours to help me learn how to balance everything.  Thankfully, she was also here while I was on bedrest and both Bubba Joe and Little Girl love her (as well as our 2 little doggies).  And if you remember, she is the one I didn’t like initially when I was pregnant because I felt I was being replaced.

Surprise, surprise.  I like her.

She gets me.

We’re becoming friends.

We spoke a few weeks ago and she commented that she could see how the day was going to go by whether or not I brought the children down and went back to bed.  She suggested I speak with my doctor.  I did.  He doubled my meds.

We go for walks almost daily.

I’ve learned so much more about this little city of Dülmen in the past few weeks than I had learned on my own for nearly 2 years.

We grab ice cream in the city or a salad.

We’re walking so much that not only am I completely out of maternity clothing (I have been since 3 months pp) but I weigh less than I did before I got pregnant and am FINALLY back in the new Gap jeans I bought last summer when visiting Ohio.  YEAH!!!

I am showering daily.  And while you may not realize how hard that might be, trust me when I tell you that finding energy to care for me has taken time.  As a mom, I *have* to take care of Little Girl and Bubba Joe.  And then I am supposed to find the time to take care of the house, laundry, dishes, food, groceries, etc.  And then there’s the dogs that have to be let out and well, it would be nice if they got some attention every once in a while.  And then there’s BJD – who while he’s a patient guy (dude would have to be to stay with me for 10 years!), he’s been feeling a bit neglected.  He doesn’t have to say it.  I just know.

So on top of all that, I am supposed to find the time to take care of me.

And this lovely illness, this PPD, tries to convince me that it is impossible to do and perhaps, just perhaps, it is better to just stay in bed all day and let our household help do it all.

But life doesn’t work that way, does it?

Since upping my meds, I have found a new me.  I feel better.  I feel more compelled to take responsibility for things that are, well, MY responsibility.  I feel committed to myself – and that’s huge.

I *want* to do these things.  I *want* to be a hausfrau.  I *want* to look good and feel good and be good.

It’s still hard, but it’s getting easier.

Except for today.

BJD was out of the country for 3 days.  Our household help stayed longer during the day.  Bubba Joe spent the night at Oma and Opa’s.  We organized things beautifully.  I handled things well.

And then he came home last night.  And I exhaled.  And today, he’s home and I relaxed.  I leaned on him because I can.

Today was not a bad day.  It just wasn’t a stellar day.  But I like having BJD home.

An Update – Exersaucers, Feuerwerkautos and Vodka

How’s that for a title?

So Little Girl is almost 6 months old.  She’s an eating champ.  In case you are wondering, she’s still nursing (my BP meds are working).  She’s pretty picky too about whether she wants milk or food – and heaven help us if we try to give her the wrong thing!

I’m pretty sure she’ll be moving on to table foods soon.  She keeps trying to eat what we eat.

Here’s some pictures of her in her newest most favorite toy (the second pic shows her wearing an amber necklace to help with her teething.  Oh yeah, did I tell you that she’s already cut her two bottom teeth and more are coming?).

And then there’s some pics of Bubba Joe and Little Girl.

And then there’s the fire truck that Bubba Joe has earned by doing his “chores” for the last few weeks.  He has to put his dirty clothing in the laundry basket, brush his teeth, put his toys away (only in the living room though, not in his room), and clear his dirty dishes from the table.  This thing not only has a siren capable of sounding like either one from the States or from Europe, the ladder can go up and down and it can squirt water. (Ask me how I know … go on, ask me.)  Of course, BJD had to build a fire station for the truck – per the insistence of Bubba Joe.  So there the guys are, painting it (notice the painting on the windows – that’s a few weeks old).

And lastly, there’s a picture of some vodka BJD brought back from his recent trip to Minsk.  It went well.  Looks like he may be travelling there more often, getting a good chance to polish up his russian.  (Did you know that he was born in Siberia, emigrated when he was 17 with his family to Germany then moved to the States 8 years ago to marry me? Oh yeah, happy 8th anniverary to me this week!)

I can’t figure out how to insert just one or two pics and then write some more and then insert other pics.  Anyone know how to do that in wordpress?

Münster Zoo and what’s going on

Maybe I should have written that in the inverse … what’s going on and then the zoo.

We’ve been busy.

Way busy.

Too busy for my preference honestly.

But that’s what happens when your family whom you actually LIKE is visiting and you want to share with them what your life is like.

So you CRAM tons of stuff into a short amount of time.

Which in the best of health is rough.

Add to that my second bout of strep in a month ON TOP OF my wonderful, oh so lovely,  postpartum depression and well, let’s just say I’m getting ready to shut down.

I remember during my first bout with ppd me commenting to my therapist that I thought I had overdone it over the Thanksgiving weekend.  I expected sympathy from her – perhaps even her to tell me that I should relax a bit more and take it easy, wouldn’t want to over do it, ya know?  What did she say?  Good for you!

My sis has been pushing (in a good way) for us to do things.  And maybe it isn’t so much  her as it is mine and BJD’s  desire to show my sister and her children all the very cool things to do here in Germany.

Even though we live in a very small town, and I complain that it is cow manure country (which BTW, it is), there are lots of things to do that are different from NE Ohio.  Mind you, I love NE Ohio (and think it’s a wonderful place to live and raise a family – with lots and lots and lots of cultural and sports and well, cool things – like the FREE STAMP).

I’ve digressed.

Back on point.

BJD took today (Monday) off.  The weather was spectacular today – far better than this weekend.  So here’s a rundown of what we’ve done in the past week:

• pulled the mega-weeds in our garden, purchased plants for newly found naked area and planted most of the plants.  Some of them are still in pots awaiting planting.
• planted a little window planter.  I love the idea of colorful flowers in my front window.  Problem is we have a ledge.  With all the rain we’ve gotten, not ONE drop has touched the planter.  And I (sadly) am forgetful in watering.  I vow to do better.  I’ve remembered once.  I will remember again.
• in planting, found a bees hive burrowed in the ground way in the back of our yard.  BJD called his mom’s friend who is a beekeeper (and who makes lovely honey) who suggested pouring boiling water down into the hive.  BJD did that tonight.  We’ll see how well that has pissed off, worked.
• rented a car (Audi A3 wagon – kicks ASS on the autobahn – drove it today and maxed out at 180km (approx 110 mph) – had kiddies in the car.
• went into Münster, downtown.  Had a lovely lunch at a restaurant called Ca Va.  We’d eaten there many years  ago with a dear friend and all the other places were packed.  I wanted to sit someplace inside, not just outside, because it was off and on rain, windy and cold.  If Little Girl woke up, she’d need to eat and rain and cold just didn’t sound appealing.
• went to a really cool park in Lavesum, Granat, where you can feed the animals, most of which are roaming free and literally come right up to you (I’m talking about no cages, free roaming animals – mostly deer, some with antlers, some goats, llamas.)  It’s a cool experience but freaks me out that the animals are RIGHT there.
• went to the Münster Allwetter Zoo.
• and bought a new bed for Little Girl.  We originally purchased a wooden cradle, thinking that by the time she outgrew it, she’d be in our bed.  We had a family bed with Bubba Joe and we assumed she’d want to be in our bed too.  She’s only begun to prove us wrong in our expectations.

Whew.

No wonder I’m pooped.

I promise pictures at some point.

But for now, I’m just trying to not freak out with all that’s been going on (on top of all the personal family crap that is a daily part of life).

Little Girl is cutting her first 2 teeth.  She *just* turned 5 months old today.  She’s handling it okay, but is a bit fussy.  She’s up to 2 full meals daily and nursing like a champ still.

My BP has been wonky this past week (going back up to high numbers).  I’m trying hard not to freak out and am hopeful it was just the antibiotics and my body fighting off strep again.  My numbers were “okay” yesterday but up a bit tonight (but I didn’t wait my usual 5 minutes before taking it for a true apples to apples comparison).

Well, I’m off to getting the kiddos in bed.  Or at least trying to.

Münster History Museum

We’re enjoying seeing the sights with my nieces and nephew (and sister too!).  This week, we visited the Museum für Naturkunde in Münster.  It was priced okay (we purchased a family pass plus one adult for about 15€) and Bubba Joe loved seeing all the dinosaurs!

Here’s some pics to enjoy!